To be without a reference point is the ultimate loneliness. It is also called enlightenment.
沒有參考點地存活著是究竟的孤獨，又被稱為證悟。
In the middle way, there is no reference point. The mind with no reference point does not resolve itself, does not fixate or grasp. How could we possibly have no reference point? To have no reference point would be to change a deep-seated habitual response to the world: wanting to make it work out one way or the other. If I can’t go left or right, I will die! When we don’t go left or right, we feel like we are in a detox center. We’re alone, cold turkey with all the edginess that we’ve been trying to avoid by going left or right. That edginess can feel pretty heavy.
中道，沒有參考點，沒有參考點的心並不解析自己，也不造作或執取。如何能沒有參考點呢？沒有參考點會改變我們面對世界根深柢固的習慣，那種想要事情往這邊或那邊的習慣，好像如果不能往左或往右，就會喪命一樣。但其實當我們不往左或往右，會感覺位在排毒中心。我們獨自一個人，試著避免向左或向右，就能斷掉焦躁，感覺沈重的焦躁。
However, years and years of going to the left or right, going to yes or no, going to right or wrong has never really changed anything. Scrambling for security has never brought anything but momentary joy. It’s like changing the position of our legs in meditation. Our legs hurt from sitting cross-legged, so we move them. And then we feel, “Phew! What a relief!” But two and a half minutes later, we want to move them again. We keep moving around seeking pleasure, seeking comfort, and the satisfaction that we get is very short-lived.
年復一年的向左或向右，選擇是或不是，對或錯，無論如何，不曾帶給任何事真正的改變。為了安全感而拉扯著，除了一時的快樂，從不曾帶來什麼。就像禪修時改變腿的姿勢，當我們盤腿時覺得不舒服，我們就移動它，雖然一時間我們覺得，噢，真舒服，但兩分半鐘後，我們又移動一次。我們持續移動著，尋求能夠得到短暫的快樂，舒適，和滿足。
We hear a lot about the pain of samsara, and we also hear about liberation. But we don’t hear much about how painful it is to go from being completely stuck to becoming unstuck. The process of becoming unstuck requires tremendous bravery, because basically we are completely changing our way of perceiving reality, like changing our DNA. We are undoing a pattern that is not just our pattern. It’s the human pattern: we project onto the world a zillion possibilities of attaining resolution. We can have whiter teeth, a weed-free lawn, a strife-free life, a world without embarrassment. We can live happily every after. This pattern keeps us dissatisfied and causes us a lot of suffering.
我們聽過輪迴痛苦，也聽過解脫。但我們很少聽到從完全的捆縛到不被捆縛之間的過程有多痛。這個走向沒有捆縛的過程，需要巨大的勇氣，因為基本上我們是在完全地改變我們認知真實的方式，就像改變我們的DNA。不僅僅是解開我們自己的模式，也是整個人類的模式：那些我們為了解決問題，而投射到世界上的無數可能，例如，我們能有更白的牙齒，沒有雜草的草坪，沒有爭執的生活，沒有尷尬的世界。我們之後能過得快樂。這樣的思維讓我們持續的不滿，也造成很多的痛苦。
As human beings, not only do we seek resolution, but we also feel that we deserve resolution. However, not only do we not deserve resolution, we suffer from resolution. We don’t deserve resolution; we deserve something better than that. We deserve our birthright, which is the middle way, an open state of mind that can relax with paradox and ambiguity. To the degree that we’ve been avoiding uncertainty, we’re naturally going to have withdrawal symptoms—withdrawal from always thinking that there’s a problem and that someone, somewhere, needs to fix it.
做為一個人，我們不僅是尋求答案，我們也覺得值得答案。不論如何，並非我們不該有答案，我們其實從答案中得到痛苦。我們不該只是值得答案，我們值得更好的，我們值得我們的生存權，那就是中道，一種開放的心態，放鬆在矛盾與模糊當中。以往，我們一直在避免不確定，但我們將自然地出現斷離的徵兆－－從總是認為我們有問題或誰、哪裏有問題，需要被處理的狀態斷離出來。
The middle way is wide open, but it’s tough going, because it goes against the grain of an ancient neurotic pattern that we all share. When we feel lonely, when we feel hopeless, what we want to do is move to the right or the left. We don’t want to sit and feel what we feel. We don’t want to go through the detox. Yet the middle way encourages us to do just that. It encourages us to awaken the bravery that exists in everyone without exception, including you and me.
中道是敞開的，但也是不容易持續的。因為它抵抗一種我們都擁有的，人類古老精神焦慮模式的迴路。當我們覺得孤寂，當我們覺得絕望，我們總想要往左或往右。我們不想只是坐著感覺自己的感覺，我們不想經歷排毒的過程，雖然中道鼓勵我們這麼做，中道鼓勵你我每個人喚醒存在心中的勇氣。
Meditation provides a way for us to train in the middle way—in staying right on the spot. We are encouraged not to judge whatever arises in our mind. In fact, we are encouraged not to even grasp whatever arises in our mind. What we usually call good or bad we simply acknowledge as thinking, without all the usual drama that goes along with right and wrong. We are instructed to let the thoughts come and go as if touching a bubble with a feather. This straightforward discipline prepares us to stop struggling and discover a fresh, unbiased state of being.
禪修提供我們一種在中道上訓練的方法－－僅僅待在那個點上。我們被鼓勵不去判斷那些在我們心裏昇起任何東西。事實上我們甚至被鼓勵不去捉取那些在我們心裏昇起，通常稱之為好或壞的東西，我們僅僅承認它們是思想，而不伴隨著好與壞的日常戲碼。我們也被指引著去讓思想來與去，如同用羽毛輕觸泡泡，這率直的紀律讓我們停止掙扎而發現一個新鮮，沒有偏頗的存在狀態。
The experience of certain feelings can seem particularly pregnant with desire for resolution: loneliness, boredom, anxiety. Unless we can relax with these feelings, it’s very hard to stay in the middle when we experience them. We want victory or defeat, praise or blame. For example, if somebody abandons us, we don’t want to be with that raw discomfort. Instead, we conjure up a familiar identity of ourselves as a hapless victim. Or maybe we avoid the rawness by acting out and righteously telling the person how messed up he or she is. We automatically want to cover over the pain in one way or another, identifying with victory or victimhood.
某些感覺經驗似乎特別帶有著解決問題的渴望，那就是孤寂、無聊、焦慮。除非我們能在這些感覺中放鬆，否則當我們經驗這些感覺時，我們是很難待在其中的。我們想勝利或失敗，受讚美或責怪。例如，某人遺棄我們時，我們不想與這樣原始的不適感在一起，因此，我們想像自己成為我們熟悉的身份--一個無助的受害者；或者我們也可能靠行動來避免這種原始的力量，去理直氣壯的告訴他人，他或者她如何搞砸了事情。我們自動地想以某些方式，例如認同自己獲勝或受害，來掩蓋這種傷痛。
Usually we regard loneliness as an enemy. Heartache is not something we choose to invite in. It’s restless and pregnant and hot with the desire to escape and find something or someone to keep us company. When we can rest in the middle, we begin to have a nonthreatening relationship with loneliness, a relaxing and cooling loneliness that completely turns our usual fearful patterns upside down.
通常我們將孤獨視為敵人。心痛不是我們想選擇擁抱的事物。我們帶著渴望，躁動，豐富而熱情地去逃避，並尋找某些事物或人來陪伴著我們。但當我們安住在中心，我們開始與孤獨無威脅關係地相處，一種放鬆而清涼的孤獨，完全地翻轉我們習以為常的恐懼模式。
There are six ways of describing this kind of cool loneliness. They are: less desire, contentment, avoiding unnecessary activity, complete discipline, not wandering in the world of desire, and not seeking security from one’s discursive thoughts.
這裏有六種方式描述這種清涼的孤寂。它們就是:少慾、知足、避免不必要活動、清淨的紀律、不留戀慾望的世界，以及不從紛亂的思想活動中，找尋安全感。
Less desire is the willingness to be lonely without resolution when everything in us yearns for something to cheer us up and change our mood. Practicing this kind of loneliness is a way of sowing seeds so that fundamental restlessness decreases. In meditation, for example, every time we label “thinking” instead of getting endlessly run around by our thoughts, we are training in just being here without dissociation. We can’t do that now to the degree that we weren’t willing to do it yesterday or the day before or last week or last year. After we practice less desire wholeheartedly and consistently, something shifts. We feel less desire in the sense of being less solidly seduced by our Very Important Story Lines. So even if the hot loneliness is there, and for 1.6 seconds we sit with that restlessness when yesterday we couldn’t sit for even one, that’s the journey of the warrior. That’s the path of bravery. The less we spin off and go crazy, the more we taste the satisfaction of cool loneliness. As the Zen master Katagiri Roshi often said, “One can be lonely and not be tossed away by it.”
少慾，是當我們身上的每個部位渴望著被取悅或情緒轉換時，我們仍維持孤獨的意願，不試圖解決問題。練習這種孤獨是在播種，讓基本的躁動減少。舉例來說，每次我們僅僅標記思想，而不讓我們的想法無盡地奔走，我們訓練不分心地待在原處。但因為我們昨天、前天、上星期或去年沒有去練習，所以我們現在還沒辦法做到某種程度，如果我們全心一致的投入少慾修行之後，事情會有所改變。我們會減少慾望，因為我們減少了我執情節裏的固著誘惑。所以，即使有著灼熱的孤獨在那裏，我們仍在遠離躁動中安住個1.6秒，而我們昨天連一秒鐘都做不到，這樣，我們就己經在戰士的旅程上，那是勇氣的道路。我們愈少分心和瘋狂，我們愈能嘗到清涼孤獨的滿足。如用片桐禪師常說的，一個人能孤獨，卻不被孤獨撕裂。
The second kind of loneliness is contentment. When we have nothing, we have nothing to lose. We don’t have anything to lose but being programmed in our guts to feel we have a lot to lose. Our feeling that we have a lot to lose is rooted in fear—of loneliness, of change, of anything that can’t be resolved, of nonexistence. The hope that we can avoid this feeling and the fear that we can’t become our reference point.
第二種孤寂是滿足。當我們什麼都沒有，我們就沒有什麼好失去。雖然內在被設定為感覺失去很多，但其實我們沒有什麼好失去。我們感覺自己失去了很多，是基於幾種恐懼－－恐懼孤獨、改變、無法解決的事情、和不存在，以及想避免恐懼的期望，和無法變成自己參考點的恐懼。
When we draw a line down the center of a page, we know who we are if we’re on the right side and who we are if we’re on the left side. But we don’t know who we are when we don’t put ourselves on either side. Then we just don’t know what to do. We just don’t know. We have no reference point, no hand to hold. At that point we can either freak out or settle in. Contentment is a synonym for loneliness, cool loneliness, settling down with cool loneliness. We give up believing that being able to escape our loneliness is going to bring any lasting happiness or joy or sense of well-being or courage or strength. Usually we have to give up this belief about a billion times, again and again making friends with our jumpiness and dread, doing the same old thing a billion times with awareness. Then without our even noticing, something begins to shift. We can just be lonely with no alternatives, content to be right here with the mood and texture of what’s happening.
當我們在頁面中間畫條線，我們就知道自己是誰，不是在右邊，就是在左邊。但當我們不放置自己在任何一邊，我們就不知道自己是誰了。我們不知道該做什麼，真的不知道。我們沒有參考點，沒有什麼可以握在手上，這時候，我們可以選擇被嚇壞，或者安住下來。滿足是孤獨，清涼孤獨的同義詞，和清涼的孤獨感安住在一起，我們放棄相信自孤獨逃離，能帶來任何最終的快樂、喜悅或幸福感、勇氣或力量。通常我們必須放棄這樣的信念大約十億次，然後一次又一次地和我們的躁動和恐懼做朋友，帶著覺醒做同樣的老事情十億遍。然後，在我們甚至沒留意到的狀態下，有些事開始轉變。我們能不需替代品地僅僅品嘗孤獨，帶著什麼正在發生的心情與理智，滿足地安住於當下。
The third kind of loneliness is avoiding unnecessary activities. When we’re lonely in a “hot” way, we look for something to save us; we look for a way out. We get this queasy feeling that we call loneliness, and our minds just go wild trying to come up with companions to save us from despair. That’s called unnecessary activity. It’s a way of keeping ourselves busy so we don’t have to feel any pain. It could take the form of obsessively daydreaming of true romance, or turning a tidbit of gossip into the six o’clock news, or even going off by ourselves into the wilderness.
第三種孤獨是避免不必要的活動。當我們以一種燥熱的方式處在孤獨，我們總想尋找什麼來拯救我們，我們尋找出口，我們得到一種稱做孤獨的動盪感覺，而我們的心開始狂躁地想得到陪伴，來拯救我們遠離絕望。這就稱做不必要的活動。這是一種讓我們自己忙碌，以不去感覺任何痛苦的方式。它可能是以一種痴狂的方式做羅曼蒂克的白日夢，或轉台到六點新聞的八卦消息，或甚至放逐自己到野外去。
The point is that in all these activities, we are seeking companionship in our usual, habitual way, using our same old repetitive ways of distancing ourselves from the demon loneliness. Could we just settle down and have some compassion and respect for ourselves? Could we stop trying to escape from being alone with ourselves? What about practicing not jumping and grabbing when we begin to panic? Relaxing with loneliness is a worthy occupation. As the Japanese poet Ryokan says, “If you want to find the meaning, stop chasing after so many things.”
重點是我們總是在用平常習慣的、老套重覆的方式尋找陪伴，以遠離自己，遠離惡魔般的孤獨。但我們可以只是安住下來，對自己有點同情心，尊重一下自己嗎?我們能停止試著在與自己相處的孤獨中逃跑嗎?如果在開始覺得痛的時候，練習一下不去躁動和執取，好嗎?在孤獨中放鬆是值得的。如同日本詩人Ryokan說的，假如你想找意義，停止追逐太多事情。
Complete discipline is another component of cool loneliness. Complete discipline means that at every opportunity, we’re willing to come back, just gently come back to the present moment. This is loneliness as complete discipline. We’re willing to sit still, just be there, alone. We don’t particularly have to cultivate this kind of loneliness; we could just sit still long enough to realize it’s how things really are. We are fundamentally alone, and there is nothing anywhere to hold on to. Moreover, this is not a problem. In fact, it allows us to finally discover a completely unfabricated state of being. Our habitual assumptions—all our ideas about how things are—keep us from seeing anything in a fresh, open way. We say, “Oh yes, I know.” But we don’t know. We don’t ultimately know anything. There’s no certainty about anything. This basic truth hurts, and we want to run away from it. But coming back and relaxing with something as familiar as loneliness is good discipline for realizing the profundity of the unresolved moments of our lives. We are cheating ourselves when we run away from the ambiguity of loneliness.
清淨的紀律是另一種清涼孤獨的元素。清淨的紀律意謂在每個機會，我們都有意願回來，輕柔的回到當下。這就是清淨紀律的孤獨。我們願意持續保持坐著，只是坐在那兒。我們不需要特別促進這種孤獨，我們只要坐得夠久就了解那是事物真實的狀態。我們本來就是孤獨的，沒有何處何物是好執取不放的。此外，那根本不是個問題。事實上，這樣做最後能讓我們發現一種完全沒有造作的生存狀態，我們總是習慣性的認為事情該如何，讓我們無法以新鮮開放的方式看待事物。我們說，「噢，我知道」，但其實我們不知道。我們究竟上不知道任何事。我們不確定任何事。基本真實刺痛我們，而我們想遠離這個痛。這時回過頭來，放鬆在如孤獨這樣熟悉的事物上，是個好紀律，可以讓我們了解生活中懸而未決時刻的深奧性。我們在逃離孤獨的曖昧時，其實是在欺騙了自己。
Not wandering in the world of desire is another way of describing cool loneliness. Wandering in the world of desire involves looking for alternatives, seeking something to comfort us—food, drink, people. The word desire encompasses that addiction quality, the way we grab for something because we want to find a way to make things okay. That quality comes from never having grown up. We still want to go home and be able to open the refrigerator and find it full of our favorite goodies; when the going gets tough, we want to yell “Mom!” But what we’re doing as we progress along the path is leaving home and becoming homeless. Not wandering in the world of desire is about relating directly with how things are. Loneliness is not a problem. Loneliness is nothing to be solved. The same is true for any other experience we might have.
描述清涼孤獨的另一種方式是不流連於慾望的世界。流連於慾望的世界包含尋找替代物，找某些事物讓我們覺得舒適，包含食物、飲品、人。慾望這個字包含了上癮的特質，是我們捉取某個事物，好有個方法能讓一切妥當。這個特質是因為我們還沒長大，仍想要回家，想要打開冰箱就能找到我們最喜愛的東西；當事情不如意，我們就想喊「媽！」。但是，我們在修道的路上在做的，其實是離開家鄉，變得無依無恃，不流連於慾望的世界，是與實相有直接的連結。孤獨不是個問題，孤獨是沒有事非得解決不可，其他我們可能有的經驗也都是這樣的。
Another aspect of cool loneliness is not seeking security from one’s discursive thoughts. The rug’s been pulled; the jig is up; there is no way to get out of this one! We don’t even seek the companionship of our own constant conversation with ourselves about how it is and how it isn’t, whether it is or whether it isn’t, whether it should or whether it shouldn’t, whether it can or whether it can’t. With cool loneliness we do not expect security from our own internal chatter. That’s why we are instructed in meditation to label it “thinking.” It has no objective reality. It is transparent and ungraspable. We’re encouraged to just touch that chatter and let it go, not make much ado about nothing.
清涼孤獨的另一個層面是不從個人喋喋不休的想法中找到安全感－－地毯被抽走了，沒有希望了，沒有再逃離的方法，我們甚至不尋找自己內在持續對話的安全感，那些關於事情如何，又不是如何，事情是或不是，它應該這樣或應該那樣的對話。有了清涼孤獨，我們不再期望內在喋喋不休的安全感。所以我們在禪修時被指引去標籤那喋喋不休為「思想」，思想沒有客觀的真實，它是透明而不可捉摸的。我們被鼓勵去只是接觸內在對話，然後讓它走，不再多做什麼事情。
Cool loneliness allows us to look honestly and without aggression at our own minds. We can gradually drop our ideals of who we think we ought to be, or who we think we want to be, or who we think other people think we want to be or ought to be. We give it up and just look directly with compassion and humor at who we are. Then loneliness is no threat and heartache, no punishment.
清涼孤獨讓我們誠實而沒有攻擊性看著自己的心。我們能漸漸的降低自己的理想標準，例如我們想自己應該如何，或我們想變得如何，或想要他人如何看待我們，別人應該如何看待我們。我們放棄了，只是帶著慈悲和幽默直接地看著我們自己是誰。然後，孤獨就沒有威脅和心痛，也沒有懲罰。
Cool loneliness doesn’t provide any resolution or give us ground under our feet. It challenges us to step into a world of no reference point without polarizing or solidifying. This is called the middle way, or the sacred path of the warrior.
清涼孤獨不提供解決方案或給我們腳底下有個底。它挑戰我們踏入沒有參考點，沒有偏執與固著的世界。那就叫中道，或戰士的神聖道路。
When you wake up in the morning and out of nowhere comes the heartache of alienation and loneliness, could you use that as a golden opportunity? Rather than persecuting yourself or feeling that something terribly wrong is happening, right there in the moment of sadness and longing, could you relax and touch the limitless space of the human heart? The next time you get a chance, experiment with this.
當你早晨醒來時，突然感到種疏離和孤獨的心痛，你有可能把握這個黃金機會嗎?相較於折磨自己，以及感覺什麼糟糕的事發生了，試試看在那個哀傷和孤寂的當下放鬆，輕觸心裏無限的空間，好嗎？下一次有機會，實驗看看。
